Agent South Dakota

[ownperson]

● Agent South Dakota
fucking bullshit
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[ownperson]

What, the big L? Y'know, off him, that doesn't fuckin' surprise me. He's a real heart on his sleeve kinda guy, even I know that and everything I know about the guy I know against my will.

[ She raises a brow slightly at him and sits up, gently punches his arm. ]

...is that a good thing? Or are you freaking out in there?

[bothbarrels]

[ He rubs his chin with one hand. ]

Kind of both. I wanted to be able to say it back, but we just started it like ten minutes before that.

[ownperson]

[ She lets out a low whistle. ]

Fuckin' hell, yeah that's quick. I mean, assuming he wasn't bothered you didn't... [ she shrugs ] You have it bad, Drew. Whether you're ready to say 'it' or not. You seem... really fuckin' happy.

[ Something pangs in her chest, and she ignores it. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ That smile again. ]

Yeah...I am.

[ And then the smile goes a bit wry. ]

You think I should have, then?

[ownperson]

[ She gives another affectionate eye-roll and kicks him lightly in the shin again, this time. ]

Oh no, you're not tricking me into giving that kind of advice. I just know what you're like, and look... [ she huffs, playfully ] of all the people, at least York's only annoying, not a fucking total asshole, so...

I'm happy for you. Fuckin', genuinely.

[bothbarrels]

[ He laughs. ]

Glad you have such a high opinion of my boyfriend.

[ There's a twinkle in his eye as he uses that word—it feels good to say. He reaches to pat her on the hand. ]

It's good that you're happy for me, though. Thank you.

[ownperson]

[ There's that stupid pang in her chest again. She ignores it more aggressively, focuses on North's stupid smiling face, because it is good to see him this happy. Whatever stupid emotions she's feeling don't matter right now. ]

[ She flashes him a grin and teases: ] Even I'm not such a bitch I can't be happy for my brother.

I called you on your shit for a reason. I wasn't just being a pain in the ass, even if I am that.

[bothbarrels]

[ He snickers. ]

Both seems legit.

[ownperson]

[ She leans to give him a playful shove and snorts a laugh, shaking her head at him. Then sits there silently, just for the briefest moment, still smiling, before she asks: ]

You, uh— gonna be spending more time in his bunk, then? More than already, I mean. I can cover, since, y'know, stupid rules and all.

[ She ignores how the idea of even more nights in an empty room makes her chest tighten. Tries to, anyway. Keeps it away from the surface because he always picks up on these things and she's not the point, right now; this isn't about her. ]

[bothbarrels]

Probably, yeah. I can stay with you whenever you need a hand or whatever, though.

[ He tilts his head just slightly, but doesn't ask about whether she's okay. She seems just slightly, slightly off, but not enough to bring up at this point. ]

Funny how you can think to yourself that a guy is hot all the time and not realize you have a crush on him.

[ His demisexuality sometimes does a huge number on him. ]

[ownperson]

[ She nods, as if she'll ever ask; the times she admits she needs North around have always been the exception, even if the times she's needed him at all are more frequent than she'll ever admit. ]

But she isn't thinking about that. She can't. Instead, South snickers. ]

I have never related less to a sentence in my fuckin' life.

[ Guys? Nope. Not realising she's into someone? Nope. ]

You're lucky you have me around. How fuckin' long have you been thinking about him as hot and it not clicked, Drew? How long?

[bothbarrels]

Oh, god.

[ He laughs, and laughs. He doesn't even know. ]

Few...years? At this point?

I mean, he's nice to look at. It's not like he's modest.

[ownperson]

Oh my god.

[ She's laughing again, too, dropping her head into her hands. Her shoulders keep shaking with it even after the laughter stops so she can talk. ]

Once again: cannot fuckin' relate. But— fucking hell, Drew. A few years. I shouldn't even be surprised! I know this shit about you! But a few years?

[bothbarrels]

[ He's laughing now, too. ]

It was just so nice to see him again, here. It kicked off a crush, I guess! What the hell do I know?!

[ He leans toward her, reaching for her hand again. ]

I swear, at least...75% of my crushes I don't even notice before you do.

[ownperson]

[ There's that stupid pang again. He got so... lucky, York turning up here. And here she is, surrounded by no one but people she's pissed off or hurt or— nope. Nope. Can't do that. Not right now.

She lifts her head so he can get at her hand, blowing her hair out of her face and grinning at him. ]

Oh, yeah, at least that many. At least. It's like I said when we were texting, I'm right more than I'm wrong. I know you too fuckin' well! Your behaviour towards people shifts just slightly and I can just tell. You're so predictable. To me, anyway.

[bothbarrels]

[ He continues to grin, wrapping her hand in his. ]

You're so much better at that than me. Love is just...it eludes me.

[ownperson]

[ Good at spotting it in him, terrible at doing anything successful about it in herself. Again, she pushes the thoughts down.

She gives his hand a tight squeeze. ]

Yeah, until I smack you in the face with it. And every time you act as if I'm talking nonsense, yet almost every time... [ she gestures vaguely ] you just need the shove. You managed this perfectly well on your own once I pointed it out.

[bothbarrels]

Yeah, I sure did.

[ His gaze goes distant for just a second while his grin gets bigger. He immediately comes back to himself and squeezes her hand. ]

Between the two of us we manage to make things happen the right way, I guess.

[ownperson]

We have always been a good team.

[ She jokes and then she groans, at that look on his stupid face, shaking his hand with hers enough to shake his whole body as it hits her what he was probably thinking about. Rolls her eyes, at him, even as she offers again: ]

And like I said, I'll help cover for you whenever you like... need that.

[ And even as something she doesn't quite recognise for the jealousy it is wraps around her chest. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He picks up on her realizing what he was thinking, and winks. That's all he's going to say about that though. ]

I'd appreciate that. In this place...

[ Well. It's a dangerous place to realize you've fallen in love. ]

[ownperson]

Yeah, in this place.

[ She doesn't need to say more than that, she knows what he means. She gives that hand a squeeze again. ]

You just have to be careful. And if anyone official asks, you always sleep in our room, nowhere else.

[ She can do that much for him. Her chest tightens again. ]

Gotta take what happiness you can, here.

[bothbarrels]

[ He nods. ]

Thanks.

[ His smile grows softer at the latter statement. ]

I am certainly trying.

[ownperson]

...I really am happy for you, Drew. I know I said that already, but...

[ She doesn't flinch externally, but she does internally; does that sound too much like she's reaffirming it to herself? She isn't, she's genuinely happy for him, all the bullshit with York and Delta aside she knows the two of them should be good for each other.

It's just all these other stupid feelings. She needs to focus on being happy for North. If she focuses on that he won't notice and she won't derail his good day. ]

[bothbarrels]

I know, Nat. Thank you. You're awesome.

[ At least, when she's interacting with him, she is. She needs to figure out how to be awesome with other people, too, thinks. Especially York and Delta. ]

[ownperson]

[ She snorts a laugh, kicks him again. ]

Glad someone thinks so.

[ Goddammit, that was not how she should have phrased that. Glad you think so, for fuck's sake. ]