[ She snorts a laugh, despite herself, because of course he fills that with a much more selfless and optimistic sentiment than she was on the edge of. ]
I mean... yeah, you're kinda right, but also everyone here from home fuckin' hate my guts.
Except you. [ She smiles a little, teases: ] Way to show your bias again, by the way. Real favourable guess there.
No, you... you are right. At least in some cases. I mean, we have. Back home, I don't think we'd ever have talked about... any of this.
[ And she's glad they have. The emotional drain is starting to set in, but she still feels... lighter, than she did before. ]
But I am also a selfish little shit who just... [ huff ] maybe I'm a little jealous, okay? You have York. I don't have that. I'm starting everything from scratch.
[ She raises a brow at him, not quite sure she's following. ]
What? That I don't ever... do it myself, or? Because I'm only human, Drew. Don't think the comparisons would bother me nearly as much if I couldn't... see where they came from.
[ And there's the exhaustion. She sinks back in the seat and rubs her face, drags her hand back through her hair. She looks less of a mess than she did right after the tears had stopped, more composed, but the emotional drain is settling in. ]
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I missed you, but I missed him, too. I'm glad it's all worked out the way it has.
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[ She snickers softly at the look on his face. ]
You're really making the best of it.
[ She's quiet, for a second, then starts to say: ]
Sometimes I wish... [ But she trails off, shakes her head. ]
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What do you wish?
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[ She bites the inside of her cheek, then sighs. ]
I don't know. I don't... I don't wish anyone here, because who the fuck would do that? Just, sometimes...
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[ He pauses. ]
You thinking of someone specific?
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[ She gives him a bit of a look, like 'come on', drags her hand over her face and sighs, but not an annoyed sigh. ]
You gonna make me say it?
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[ He looks off into the distance for a bit. ]
God, if I could do anything to save him from this existence, I would. But mostly only if I got to be there, too.
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Fuckin' hell, Drew, that's the sappiest possible way to say that.
[ Which she can't help but smile just a little at, despite it all.
And, fuck, he probably wasn't trying to reverse psychology her but... ]
...bet Connie'd tear this whole mess open in a couple months. If she really was what... brought it all down back home.
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He'd had a feeling he was talking about Connie. ]
She was. She was like the cog at the center of a big clockwork.
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All that time she was being so... cagey. Fuckin' pulling away from us all. I guess it's obvious, looking back, but...
[ She shakes her head. ]
Whatever. Like I said, no one else deserves to end up here. Even half saying it feels wrong. It's just everyone who is here...
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[ She snorts a laugh, despite herself, because of course he fills that with a much more selfless and optimistic sentiment than she was on the edge of. ]
I mean... yeah, you're kinda right, but also everyone here from home fuckin' hate my guts.
Except you. [ She smiles a little, teases: ] Way to show your bias again, by the way. Real favourable guess there.
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Sorry. I like to think it's true, at least.
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No, you... you are right. At least in some cases. I mean, we have. Back home, I don't think we'd ever have talked about... any of this.
[ And she's glad they have. The emotional drain is starting to set in, but she still feels... lighter, than she did before. ]
But I am also a selfish little shit who just... [ huff ] maybe I'm a little jealous, okay? You have York. I don't have that. I'm starting everything from scratch.
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[ If she's worried he's dissembling, she shouldn't—the look on his face is genuine. ]
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You have your best friend here! Even before you were dating him that's a step up on what I've got!
[ Not counting North himself, but she figures that's a given after everything they've said. ]
Is that really so fuckin' unbelievable?
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[ He shakes his head. ]
I just thought, with the comparison talk...
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[ She raises a brow at him, not quite sure she's following. ]
What? That I don't ever... do it myself, or? Because I'm only human, Drew. Don't think the comparisons would bother me nearly as much if I couldn't... see where they came from.
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[ He thinks about that for a moment. ]
You have the chance to make things better, too.
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[ She quirks that brow again. ]
Are we talking like, in general, there, or about the whole... starting from scratch shit?
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...yeah, guess so.
[ And there's the exhaustion. She sinks back in the seat and rubs her face, drags her hand back through her hair. She looks less of a mess than she did right after the tears had stopped, more composed, but the emotional drain is settling in. ]
I'm trying. I really am, Drew.
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[ He releases her hand in case she wants to continue to fuss over herself with both hands. ]
I think I want to go find York now. Is that okay?
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Yeah, yeah, go on; I was close to joking he'd think you got lost anyway. I'm gonna... sit here for a bit, I feel like fuckin' lead.
[ She playfully waves her hand as if batting him towards the door. ]
Love you, Drew. Go find your fuckin' boyfriend.
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[ He stands, walks around the chair, and bends down to give her a light peck on the cheek before leaving. ]
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