goneawaycomms | Counselor Aiden Price

[Dan's a little bit high when he goes to see the Counselor two days after the memory share, which is what pushes him to actually do something other than sit in his top bunk sulking over having his memories rifled through by the powers that be again, drawing on the ceiling. He has both a black and silver sharpie, so he can continue to cover his own work, the ceiling a renewable sketchpad so long as he's willing to destroy the things he's already made. He draws other people's memories in uncannily-accurate shorthand in silver, then covers them in black, repeat.

Whenever their memories get invaded, Dan takes it hard. He's made a life's work of trying to forget the things he can't have back. He's shed his name, his religion, his identity over and over again to careen back and forth across the continent outrunning the times he can't return to and yet that poison his present. It's hard to get high on the Rig. It takes effort and planning and drawing on that year of networking Dan's done with the staff to get something from a pharmacy tech to take the edge of Dan's mood, to make his sorrow and pissiness gauzy and tender instead of caustic. But, desperate times. Desperate efforts.

He wraps his knuckles on the frame to Price's room, one hand in his pocket, finding that while he isn't angry, everything feels unresolved. He feels misunderstood, and he feels that somehow his own weaknesses are being used to fuel someone else's antisocial problems, and as such he has to do something. And whenever he's lacked other options or resources, he's always had the ability to talk smooth and meet people halfway.]

Counselor? I took your advice. Turns out it's just that I don't lump you in with lost causes. [He leans against the doorframe, raising an eyebrow.] But I do reckon we owe each other a conversation.

Edited 2021-04-18 22:59 (UTC)

D-Daniel?

[Price is relieved because he had internally prayed for Dan not to give up on him, but at the same time he feels a sense of dread knowing that he most likely will mess it up. He takes a deep breath, he doesn't want his negative feelings to convert into anger, he needs to stay calm. Still, he's not sure he wants to address it. In fact, he doesn't.]

You look sick! You should sit down.

[He grabs Dan by an arm and walks him to his bed. Sure, the physical contact is not ideal, but the mix of hopeful and hopeless feel that troubles him is so intense that circles back into being dim, a distant whooshing sound in the giant hole in his chest. A self destructive part of him figures that if Dan wants to take advantage of it and amplify the sensation, it might as well give him the courage to put an end to this...]

Here.

[Oh boy, he doesn't want to deal with this.]

You didn't have to bother to come here. You should be spending this free time with your friends instead.

I'm fine, I'm fine. [He doesn't shrug Price's arm off or use his power, although it crosses his mind that he could. He could cut the guessing games short, find out now if he's actually connecting with Price or if he's like a bird confused by the reflection in a window, flinging himself over and over at something that won't yield.

Thank God for whatever synthetic tab he got from the pharmacy tech, which has taken the roughness of the world and is filtering it through a kind of golden light inside him, making everything a little softer and less frustrating than it could be. He sits down on the bed.]

You are my friend. [Dan's mouth tugs to the side as he says that; it's not a dishonest expression. It's the kind someone makes when they open an envelope and find a bill, resigned, grim, a little put-out.] But I can't tell if you're telling me you're not because you're trying to bait me into saying you're my friend so you can feel good about it, or so you can disagree with me.

I'm not sure what I am baiting you into, yet.

[He's both annoyed at Dan saying it and at the fact that he thinks it might be true. Everyone has always treated him like he was up to something, so much that as soon as he gets a feeling he thinks he's subconsciously making a plan that he doesn't know what it is yet. He just gives up to the hard evidence that everything he does or says is baiting.]

...But whatever it is that you want to accomplish, I'm afraid I can't give it to you.

[There are things that you can't just love away.]

Saying you don't count as my friend because you know I'll reflexively tell you that you are. I just don't know if you want to hear me say you're my friend so you can hear it, or so you can disagree with me and argue about it.

[Dan, by contrast, is always very intentional in his manipulative and dishonest behavior. They may have both developed their penchants for working people over as a means to survive in a world that left people like them few alternatives, but Dan never manipulates by accident, only by design.

It means he can always turn it off and just be straight and honest, which is how he came today. No tricks, no lies, and, unfortunately, no way to make that explicit and believable to the Counselor.]

Why, when you saw I was upset seeing my daughter, did you act all callous when prior to this you been good and gentle with me when I was drunk or over breakfast?

[Ah, being confronted one on one, without a bigger guy to hide behind physically or otherwise. Price hates it, he has nowhere to hide and no amount of making himself look tiny and innocent is going to help. Should he mess this up on purpose? He wants to mess this up on purpose, the anger is constantly boiling, waiting to melt all the other emotions within itself.]

As you may have noticed, being good and gentle comes with its dangers.

[Is it a mockery? Another warning that Dan should stay away from him? Perhaps it's both.]

What happened to you and your daughter is very sad.

[He doesn't really enjoy the fact that she died, it's not out of schadenfreude that he decided to call Dan out. He feels neutral on the issue, as he does with most things.]

I just happened to have an overdramatic display of emotion despite my attempts to avoid it. It sounded quite ugly, didn't it?

[Price is the type to choose words carefully. He rarely uses the word ugly, he really means it...Then he sighs. He mentally urges himself to respond properly, because Dan will want to give up on him. He bites his lip.]

I misinterpreted and was afraid that you... [Price is a bit ashamed] I was afraid you were going to talk her into dangerous things that she didn't want to do.

[Logically, Price knows that it's alright to be upset at and not want to witness child abuse, but he also knows that it's because he saw way too much of it himself. It's not even about the trigger at this point, it's being triggered that makes him feel like a pile of rotten flesh.]

Children would do anything for those who are supposed to take care of them.

[He would know from experience.]

[Dan sighs; his breath feels hot in his chest. At least they're talking. At least they're going through the work of trying to express and listen, of finding a common ground that seems to have been ripped out from under them.]

It did sound pretty ugly. You had some loaded accusations in there-

[He thinks they're doing okay until Price continues and expresses what he was actually afraid of, and then Dan stops, and for a few seconds he doesn't say anything or even try to listen to what Price is saying. He can't help but understand it, of course. But he wishes he didn't.

I never asked her to do anything, he wants to shoot back. He never asked his kid to die for him. He never asked her to come join him on dangerous missions. He, in fact, pushed back against her requests to join him for years, and then he was too weak and foolish to push back harder, and then she died saving his life.]

Yeah. They would. [Dan runs a hand through his hair. If that's what set Price's judgment off...Dan can't argue with it. He has no grounds to say that Price was wrong or that Dan was somehow the exception to the mold of parents who get the children in their care hurt, and if that's what Price is carrying around in his past, of course Price would see Dan as a secretive enemy.

He hasn't told anyone, and Price is likely the last person Dan should entrust with anything secret, and yet he doesn't see reaching any sort of understanding without some transparency.]

I ain't someone who goes around and exploits kids, Counselor. I'm a piss-poor guardian, but if you're worried about me being like people you've known in the past... [He wrings his hands.] I'm sorry I reminded you of them, then.

[Price freezes. What is that supposed to mean?! He never told Dan anything that could hint that kind of mistreatment, the most he has done was complain about public authority figures. How does he know about that?]

Don't worry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

[Not that involving a child in a scam isn't wrong enough, still...He doesn't want to address the rest.]

It was insensitive of me, I'm sorry.

Yeah, it was. [Dan won't pretend it didn't add to the sting of the phenomenon rubbing his loss in his face, his loss that's not even a year past.] But apology accepted. Water under the bridge.

[He notes, too, the way Price freezes up for a second, confirming what's already been suggested in all the little responses, in the shyness and vitriol and details Dan's picked up because picking up details is what Dan does.]

I'd like to stay friendly with you.

Edited 2021-04-22 00:02 (UTC)

BUT--

...Why? Daniel, I appreciate your friendship, but this cannot be beneficial for you.

[Does he want Dan to stay? Of course, but he doesn't want to walk on eggshells, to act like there is something left to save when it's too late and Dan just refuses to understand it. His bragging about not listening to warnings makes no sense whatsoever, if anything it confirms that the only reason why he would be near Price is to slowly destroy himself.

Price doesn't mind destroying him. Destroying things and people is a neutral action, it's wiping the slate clean to build something else. It can be positive or negative based on the connotation that one wants to give it, but that would be a case to case basis. It's not inherently negative as some people believe. Still...Why is Dan doing this?]

No amount of kindness can fix...

[Me, he'd like to say, but he refuses to.]

Our incompatibility.

What incompatibility is that?

[In Dan's opinion, their relationship has expanded beyond that first awkward introduction over a dead civilian. They disagree in how to treat other people, and that disagreement is something that rests at each of their cores, and yet - Dan sees no reason why that should be considered some kind of fundamental antagonism.]

I reckon I'm a better authority on what's beneficial for me or not. [It's not that Dan can't judge risk; he's quite paranoid, quite good at assessing risk and reading a room. It's not that he's using Price as a means to sabotage himself. It's just that he doesn't mind if that outcome comes to pass.] I'm a grown man, Counselor. I can make my own decisions.

Well, then.

[Why, why, why doesn't Dan want to understand? He doesn't get to ignore warnings and then whine like a baby when he inevitably faces the consequences of his stupid decisions.]

What is it that you would like me to do?

[If Dan were not slightly inebriated, he'd probably have a quicker answer, or would have come prepared with an idea of what he wanted from Price. As it stands, he clearly turns it over in his head.]

If you don't want to spend friendly time together anymore, that's fine. I just want to make sure it's for you, because you don't like me, and not because you're trying to protect me from yourself. [He bites his lip.] And I want it clear that it ain't my fault you put me on a pedestal.

Price wants to cuddle with Dan but also wants to hiss at him >:(

myagents - 2021-04-24 22:15 (UTC) - Expand

so basically Price is a cat, we knew that, but apparently so is Dan

hallelujahjunction - 2021-04-26 05:36 (UTC) - Expand

[action]

Re: [action]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

ignoring warnings and then whining about it is Dan's M.O. tho, Price, don't hate~

[action]

Re: [action]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject