goneawaycomms | Counselor Aiden Price

Then why are you here? Why do you care?

[He feels deeply unsettled at the question. People just don't care if they hurt him or not, not when they know the real him.]

A little bit. I thought you were going to be disappointed or mad at me if I rejected you.

I'm here because I don't like hurting folks.

[Dan feels his heart sink, feels suddenly almost dizzy with the idea that, through his lack of sensitivity or his drunkenness or some other factor, he didn't pick up on the fact that Price was feeling that way. He would have stopped if he'd had any idea, but rosy hypotheticals are a cold comfort when someone's been hurt.]

I'm so sorry. [He can't wrap his head around Price worried that he'd get angry at a rejection, when Dan's never shown anything harsher than exasperation to Price, never raised his voice, never said something cruel just to vent it, but it doesn't matter.] I didn't know. I'm sorry.

[Price doesn't know what to say. He averts Dan's glance.]

Is that all?

Do you want it to be? [Dan takes a deep breath.] Because I'd get if you didn't want to see me again. I'd respect it.

Of course I want to see you again. It's just that there is no way it can possibly go well.

[He told Dan many times that he should give up on him for his own good, anyway.]

[Dan, whose ability to calmly track what's happening in a conversation and what motivations someone has is often unparalleled, feels his head spinning with all the mixed messages he's getting.]

What is it that you think is going to happen that's so bad?

Edited 2021-08-26 18:04 (UTC)

[He thinks about it for a moment since vaguely gesturing to himself isn't enough of an explanation for Dan.]

I will make you hurt yourself somehow. You won't mind, but your friends will and problems are going to rise between you and them. Who knows what can develop from that...

[Dan makes a sound that would be a laugh if he were thinking about anything actually funny.] I don't need your help to hurt myself, Counselor.

[What does Price think Dan's doing with all the alcohol, the drugs, the hookups, the running straight into danger? Does Price think Dan's prepping his body for a good long life of leisure and health?

Because what Price has offered isn't an explanation.]

Oh, I'm well aware of it, Daniel. However I am also aware that it's the very reason why you slept with me in the first place. We both knew you were going to regret it. You can act like you're just sorry for avoiding me afterwards, but it is obvious that you only did it because you wanted to make a mistake.

[And what's depressing is that being your mistake is the max I can aspire to, he'd like to add, but he still has a bit of pride left.]

Edited 2021-08-26 20:12 (UTC)

[And there it is - Price nailing on the head Dan's worst tendency, his habit of roping other people into his self-abuse, of using them as tools to distract him from himself instead of treating them like people the way he preaches, the way he wishes he were able to always treat everyone.

He shrugs with an apologetic half-smile]

Well, you're also attractive and I was horny.

[That deflection fills him with dread.]

I'm not your mistake.

[It takes all of his barely existing assertion to say it. Price is not assertive, he's violent, that's different. If he was truly able to defend himself, he wouldn't have turned out like this.]

And I'm not someone you can look at to make you feel better about yourself.

[He's already not so sure about this one, he knows he's just that disgusting. The awareness of course triggers him and every feeling converts into anger.]

You ruin everything you touch, that is the truth.

[Just like him. What a sad thing to have in common.]

That's why the people you love keep dying.

[Now Price is just lashing out, and that makes it much easier for Dan to just let the words pass through him. Price is, to Dan, throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, and right now nothing is.

You're why the people you love keep dying. Dan had to immunize himself against that particular train of thought or the survivor's guilt would have eaten him alive a decade ago. He blames himself for Eliora's death. He doesn't blame himself for being a teenager caught in a tragedy orchestrated and executed by someone else.

And it's not that Dan's been comparing himself to Price to feel superior; that's just not the way Dan's mind works. He isn't competitive. He doesn't see himself as positioned in opposition to anyone else; he doesn't see himself existing at all, really.]

No, I don't. [He says that quietly but firmly.] And you don't have to ruin things either.

[Price scoffs.]

Right. Keep lying to yourself, Daniel. See where that takes you.

Are you done?

[Dan isn't being snarky; he's curious if Price is burning himself out on vitriol.]

If I'm bothering you, then leave. You're the one that insisted on taking me here.

[He's so tired of everything, he doesn't have the energy to figure out whatever Dan means. It's not like it isn't absolute nonsense, anyway. Dan didn't even deny that he sees Price as a readily available mistake to make. That's the part that hurts, and he either didn't understand it or deliberately ignored it.]

I came here to apologize - and I meant it - but now you're just trying to hurt me with whatever words you can, and I just wanted to know if you had gotten it out of your system.

[Because Dan isn't bothered, not by the attacks. He's bothered by how he made Price feel, getting sucked into Dan's self-destruction, being "the mistake", but bothered in the kind of way where he wants to stay planted here and work through it until Price doesn't feel used anymore. He doesn't know if that's an option, but it definitely isn't if he walks away.]

No. I can't get it out of my system. It's too much, it's always been too much.

[His eyes light up from the red laser, like he's charging it. He won't shoot it, he just wants to convey something.]

And you don't want me to alleviate it.

Don't I? Why wouldn't I?

[Dan doesn't back down as Price's eyes flash.]

Because I might do it someone else. And it will be all your fault.

[Does Dan really think he can solve everything by reminding him that he doesn't mind dying? It's not how it works.]

No. What you do is your decision, not mine. I'll take responsibility for being rude to you. Hell, I take responsibility for using you just because I wanted to do something reckless, and I definitely take responsibility for not realizing that you felt pressured.

[He folds his arms.]

But if you go on and hurt someone else, that's all you, not me. You got free will. I ain't your God.

Maybe, but your guilt doesn't know that.

[He exhales from his nose, the lasers in his eyes turn off.]

I miss killing, anyway.

[At this, Dan actually rolls his eyes.]

Counselor, you ain't stupid enough to try and get away with killing anyone on this Rig.

I don't really have to get away with it. And I'm definitely stupid enough.

[Now he's the one that doesn't care about getting killed.]

Well, whatever you do, it’s your decision. Not mine.

[Dan’s killed enough people, had enough people die while working cases, that he’s gotten good at handling guilt over things he can’t control. And while he’s doing his best to connect with Price, he can’t control him.]

Alright, then.

[He shrugs.]

There is nothing else to do, anyway.

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