goneawaycomms | Counselor Aiden Price

[Taking in someone's emotions when they're this fraught feels, to Dan, a little bit like what he imagines all those tweenagers felt that year they were putting spoonfuls of cinnamon in their mouths for social media. His immediately impulse is to "cough it back up", as it were, but that's neither possible nor wise here, so, as Dan is the consummate liar and actor, he doesn't let it show even momentarily that he's thrown by the intensity and complexity of Price's unhappiness.

The point is that Price is unhappy. Unhappy, and confused, and tired, and frustrated, and angry, and fearful, and these emotions are all true and they're all ones Dan wishes he had some way of alleviating, so he doesn't remove his hand from Price's shoulder just because he wants to sustain the comforting contact.]

You can talk about what happened, if facts are easier than talking about how you feel about it.

Facts? [Price tilts his head] Nothing happened, I was just rude to you when I shouldn't have. That's it.

[He rests his head on Dan's shoulder, and gradually sinks in until it turns into a hug. He just really wants to give and receive some affection the traditional way after a decade of coldness and strictness, and he also wants to test Dan.

He wants to see if he is going to use his power to enhance the coziness that he feels in his arms in order to improve his mood, half wanting it because everything hurts too much and half fearing how easily Dan could violate him by accessing his very core. A core that at this point is meant to be forgotten and not acknowledged, after being labeled as a monster for a lifetime. He thinks about how easily Dan can justify taking advantage of this moment of vulnerability with wanting to help, as if the compulsion of helping isn't his personal rotten illusion.

Little does he know that Dan is already using his power...]

Edited 2021-05-02 11:41 (UTC)

[Dan could very well pass the test on accident, just because he doesn't have any of Price's happier emotions to try and offset the misery. Maybe if he did, he would try.

But one way or another, Dan's only had his ability to draw on and copy other people's emotions for later for about a year. He's been trying to comfort others his whole life, be it from his younger siblings when they were newborn and squalling to angry spirits that needed soothing to victims of monster attacks in need of someone to manage their immediate trauma. So what comes naturally to him is to let Price sink into that hug and hold him there, not restrictive or clinging, but receptive and supportive. Dan gives really good hugs, unsurprisingly.]

No, I mean, what people don't to you that makes you so untrusting. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Just putting it out there. [Because it couldn't be more obvious that this is about a lifetime of poor treatment and being conditioned into expecting a certain amount of disappointment from anyone Price runs into.]

[Now that's a funny one, apparently it's 'people making him untrusting' when they are the untrusting ones. They're always acting like he's up to something awful, planning to manipulate or torture or kill somebody. Sometimes when you say hello you actually mean hello, even if you killed millions.

Sure, it makes sense to choose not to trust Price now, but it didn't when he was younger. All the people he hurt before Project Freelancer fell under three categories: self defense, getting even, or training in order to skillfully defend himself or getting even with someone else. That he had fun doing it is irrelevant to the conversation. All of this is, actually, because it lost meaning at this point.]

Some people become like me due to genetic predisposition. They're born like this.

[It's not his case, sure, but would Dan still keep trying if there was nothing to pity, if there was nowhere to dig and find a sad story? Price feels like after all this time there won't be much underneath all the dirt and filth. It will not be enough, because it has never been enough for anyone to listen, and what happens after an entire lifetime of not being listen to is that you don't want to talk anymore.]

That sounds like a difficult, painful life to be condemned to by some unlucky genetics.

[Price doesn't need to give Dan a tragic story about himself or anyone else to activate Dan's pity, his empathy; Dan sees sadness everywhere. In all the places most people see injustice or outrage, Dan just sees the tragedy of how almost every evil act could have been averted, somehow, if upstream someone had been kinder or luckier.]

Tell me what you mean by "like this."

Monsters.

[He hates saying it, because he can always understand other people's reasons for behaving the way they do, even when he thinks it's a bullshit reason and is annoyed by them, he has a way to respect it. He worked so hard on this skill after years of people mistreating him for reasons that were hardly ever proportionate to his need for help when he was a child.

Those people who treated him like a monster felt like monsters to him, and since for his own sake he got rid of them before they could change his mind he still thinks it, but once he became an adult he never met people he considered monsters again. He might've had absolutely zero respect for them - as everyone reasonable does with Hargrove - but everything was comparatively neutral, as it should have been.

As an adult you should be able to divide people in polite or rude, interesting or boring, useful or useless, and that's it. No such thing as good and evil. It is objectively the smartest thing to do, but there is everyone still judging based on morals as a masturbatory fantasy for which they are better than someone who knows more than them...

But at least he said that. There's no need to tip toe around it.]

[It's a loaded word, and not just because of Dan's profession. He doesn't have a good answer for any of this.]

Monsters are people too. [He doesn't figure that he's armed with enough information to give Price a persuasive argument for why he isn't actually a monster. There are too many unknowns about the things Price has done, too long a history of Price internalizing what people have told him. He has no reason to respect Dan's opinion on whether he's a monster or not, so Dan doesn't bother.

And really, it doesn't matter. Dan's of the opinion that you can't change what you've done, and it's very hard to change what you are, to the point that what you are isn't actually that important because it's so fixed. The only way to make the world better is to try and do your best at the very moment you're in. The only way to make life livable is to do your best in the very moment you're in.

Dan grew up imagining himself to have no future and dodging his memories of the past as best he could. He's caged in the present beyond what most people are.]

I've killed a hundred and thirteen people in my life, Counselor. I'd reckon about two thirds of them have been monsters, going by most folks' definition. And the other third were just human beings. I don't feel there's even been any practical purpose in trying to sort between them, and I don't feel no more nor no less remorse around a monster than not.

Mh.

[He gives a light, very unconvinced nod. He doesn't want to be difficult, not for Dan but for himself. It's so strange, by the way, that Dan is acting like he likes him even after finding out what he's really like. Everyone who has ever felt something positive towards him was only momentarily blinded from the facade. Even his spouse who was supposedly the love of his life.

He's so glad he stopped trying to date people, putting all his energy of work rewarded him beyond his expectation and gave him a family...Well, until he got caught. He wonders if the Director would act similarly to Dan in this situation, had he opened up. He just thinks about the Director a lot, it's inevitable.]

The Director felt a lot of remorse too...

[He pauses, it's clear that he's thinking of something. It takes him a moment to gather the courage to speak.]

...Do you believe that once we are done here we will go back to our respective timelines? ...Or will we have the opportunity to restart?

[He tenses up because he can already hear the accusations, the remarks about how much of a coward he is because he doesn't want to go back to jail and that he should pay so much more for what he's done anyway.]

It would be nice to choose a different place. At least the agents will heal from their wounds and be a family.

As for me, I...Well, if I got to choose I would go back to Project Freelancer to see the Director again.

[He purses his lips.]

It might not be the right thing to do, but serving him made me happy.

I don't reckon it matters what I believe. I might could die here, or might could die back home. It makes no difference to me so I ain't pondered it much.

[With Eliora gone, he has nothing to go back to, and Dan's been so terrible at envisioning the future ever since he spent his youth expecting to die soon and violently. He expects to die sooner rather than later. He finds it comforting, far more comforting than the idea of going back home and having to just continue out his days with the bitch of living biting at his ankles.

Dan draws his lips tight, not in judgment but in some kind of flinch from the pain of watching someone announce their intend to continue making the same mistakes they always have.]

I hope, if you do go back, you find something or someone else that makes you happy. But I'd understand if you did go back to him.

[Price tenses up and withdraws from Dan. There's so much surrendering in his voice, so much will to just let whatever come to him that it's confusing. He knows that it's not a trap, but it feels like one.]

Right.

[He sighs.]

Sometimes I like to think that he could get here any moment, and that maybe we could make up. Even if it's just him and me against the world, I wouldn't mind...

[A bitter scoff follows.]

Not that he ever really noticed me.

[He then proceeds to sound humourous or at least amused.]

Sometimes you have to settle!

[To think that he still speaks so highly of him after he betrayed him like that. He tries not to think about the Director ratting him out to save himself, because the Director gave him everything and if only they could have gone on forever with Project Freelancer without facing consequences Price would be the happiest man ever.

That's why he clings to the idea of the Director, but he is forced to laugh it off because the man never seemed to appreciate his efforts, never remembered his name or considered him human, never let him in, and was always quick to bully him even in front of his subordinates. Price fully rejecting everything he was before Project Freelancers means that in his head he promoted the Director to the person he loves the most spot. So knowing that, in light of the poor treatment, he really is settling is deeply mortifying.

What's even more mortifying is that even counting everything before PFL nobody ever succeeded to give him what the Director gave him, to need him the way he is and not whatever mask he put on for the occasion. Carolina has even had the nerve to insinuate that Price didn't care about the Director for enabling his self harming tendencies, to speak like he took advantage of him.

The exchange was fair, the Director let him play with his dark side and Price let him rule over him with an iron fist, obeying at every order. Even so, he was the only one that gave the Director what he asked for and the bastard didn't even appreciate it...]

You reckon you could ever find that kind of sense of...[what is it Price is describing? It seems to be more all-consuming and fixated than love. Obsession?] ...purpose with anyone else?

[Dan realizes how that sounds, and probably would have worded it differently if not for being a little stoned on whatever it was the infirmary gave him (bless them).]

I'm not offering myself up or anything, I ain't trying to steal you away, that's not what I mean. But there are countless universes out there, billions and billions of people. You might could find that sort of dynamic with someone else, without having to hold onto someone you don't got anymore.

[Is Dan, so mired in grieving those he lost, being a bit of a hypocrite or a total hypocrite? Yes.]

[Price gives Dan a very confused look. He's not sure whether Dan actually thinks there could be an alternative solution or if it's all just a poor attempt to give comfort. He'll shrug it off because clearly Dan isn't sober, but no, there isn't anyone else.]

I suppose there is just nothing out there for either of us.

[He definitely caught the hypocrisy, and he has pointed it out, but not in an accusing way. He can be gentle. He wants Dan to feel understood, if only to lure him in his trap that he doesn't know what it is yet. Certainly it can't be friendship, Price already knows it's doomed.]

I wish you to find...Something, or someone as well.

[If anything, Dan is not unloveable like him. If only the man had some sort of will to live, he could easily restart. Price thinks he can talk him into regaining said will to live, but who knows. It's not that Dan won't trust him with it, he is crazy enough to go for it just to seek death, but why heal him when everytime someone Price likes heals they leave him?]

...But I understand if you don't want any attachments.

[He deliberately says this without ever clarifying that yes, he did get it that Dan wasn't trying to offer himself as that new special someone. He can still guilt trip him with 'I understand that you wouldn't like to get that involved with me' because seriously, who would ever love him?]

[Dan could say that he's actually been banging in the Easter Bunny for a few weeks now, but he's not as intoxicated as he was last time and he's more scared about people ratting out his relationship to the Jorgmund overlords than he is about them telling on him for using emotional manipulation.]

I really don't. [Dan chuckles at the idea, but it's a bit of a pained sound. Dan goes out of his way to torch most attachments that start developing, to sabotage anything he gets that could turn into a relationship or a routine or something that he could come to depend on.] One-night stands are about all that I'm good for.

[Which is what makes it strange that he's ended up in a long-term relationship with the pagan deity of spring in the Easter Bunny, but even thinking of it that way makes Dan feel nervous and out-of-his-skin. Valuing things is just a prelude to having them taken away, painfully.]

I mean, that I'd offer you.

[He's high, alright. Price deliberately ignores the last part.]

You're a good friend, and you can be reliable and trustworthy when you want to. You are skilled and potentially very useful in missions, you can save lives, even if you don't always succeed.

[A brief pause.]

I know you are afraid of losing your loved ones, and that you believe the solution to that is to avoid creating bonds altogether...But you are good for more than just one-night stands.

[He means it. If someone took away the pretty face from Price, nothing good would be left. If someone took away the pretty face from Dan, instead, all those qualities would remain.]

[It's funny - if Dan were to trace the path of how this conversation has gone, originally, it started with Dan being upset at Price for the events of the memory storm and coming to him for some kind of explanation that would settle that unhappiness. And yet, somehow, the way this has gone, Dan feels sheepish at Price complimenting him, as if Price is comforting him and somehow Dan's being selfish. He shakes his head.

He would have likely propositioned Price sober, too. It's a habit Dan defaults to, if it seems the other party might be receptive.]

I wasn't meaning to self-deprecate. Bad phrasing. Just to put it out there that one-night stands is all that's really good for me.

[He rakes his hand through his hair. He doesn't say and the Director doesn't seem good for you. He knows that won't be received well.]

Well. I reckon our little tiff is water under the bridge, then?

If you want it to be, yes, of course.

[Dan is the one that was upset, anyway. Sure, he was upset too in some form but when he is upset it's 'overreacting'. No wonder he's an emotionless monster, right?]

Well. I believe you should go back to your dorm, now. You seem...Unwell.

[He grimaces.]

Can you walk to your dorm on your own?

[OOC: If you want, could we take the build up for the ahem, further bonding to the Pride Party? Dan is high here and it's already complicated enough without consent issues lmao. Plus angsty Price is best Price AND you can have Dan dress in slutty costumes :P]

[It's not the answer he wants, but Price seems equally skilled at deflecting as Dan is. Dan wants to know how Price feels about it. He also can tell he's not going to get that today, because Price has left the ball in his court and locked the gate in terms of whether things are really okay between them.]

I'm fine. Been way worse.

[He gives Price a wink. He's buzzed; this is nothing compared to how he's trashed his mind and body in the past.]

I'll see you around, okay?

[OOC: for sure, I figured I'd just seed the idea here and see if they'd end up hooking up in a later thread!]

['Been worse' doesn't sound as reassuring as Dan thinks it does. It's clear that even as a survivor of everything he's been through he refuses to take proper care of himself. Price thinks he can take care of him, or at least that he is technically capable of doing so. He's tempted to do so, to trap him in some kind of emotional debt, but the powers make everything more difficult.

The reckless part of him that is so prominent lately suggests that he should try anyway, in fact overcoming the obstacle of Dan's powers would make it even more glorious. On the other hand the very reason why he's been so hostile is because he keeps failing at gaining control over people. He feels like his skills are vanishing.

He's also perfectly aware that Dan really gets around. Any offer Dan could make wouldn't mean anything, it's just what he does. It doesn't mean he thinks Price is beautiful in anyway. He's not beautiful anymore and he's not smart anymore, those two things were what granted him survival and he's just watching them turn into dust, wondering if it's going to be Jorgmund or the hires themselves to get rid of him without a second thought. Knowing this, he waves and gives Dan a sad smile.]

Alright. Take care.

[How he wishes the crash of the Mother Of Invention was fatal, right now! He would have died in his prime, with the Director and his beloved agents, without them knowing about the flaws in the system, without them wanting to abandon the family that Project Freelancer was. Just everyone dignified together in death. As they should be. But even if he killed everyone right now, it wouldn't be as sweet.]

Counselor Aiden Price

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fuck me, it's literally one word of dialogue but this shit is heavy

P R I C E ;A;

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look I'm not saying he's gay but I'm saying he's obsessed. Which makes him at least LOOK gay.

sorry for vanishing for a month! idk where my brain went but i love Price so i kept this thread

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