York

[infailtration]

● York
leave one if you need me
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[infailtration]

[ York scoots over to make room for him, flopping sleepily back to his pillow. ]

Need to talk about it?

[bothbarrels]

[ He doesn't respond directly, just scoots in next to York, lying down, and taking York's hand. ]

You know that woman, Wrath, the one who knew who I was when she arrived?

[infailtration]

[ York snuggles back up when North gets in bed, though he blinks curiously at the mention of Wrath. ]

The other you's girlfriend? Hard to forget.

[bothbarrels]

[ He sighs. ]

No. Mine. Apparently.

[ That brings out a little frown. ]

I mean, I suppose it'll be best to confirm that the details I'm remembering now match up, but...

[ He finds it pretty incredible to believe that he would literally dream all the details of a three-month relationship in one night. ]

[infailtration]

Wait... huh?

[ Suddenly York seems very awake. ]

What do you mean remembering?

[bothbarrels]

[ He lets go of York's hand to raise it to York's cheek and cup it there. ]

I woke up remembering it. All of it. Three months of being together and then breaking up.

[ That seems like a pertinent detail, considering who he's talking to. ]

[infailtration]

[ The touch is welcome but doesn't seem to ease his confusion any. At least he doesn't seem worried just yet. ]

How is that possible? When were you in that world?

[bothbarrels]

I don't know. Considering the fact that I just remembered it, it's possible I just got back.

[infailtration]

...right.

[ Why not toss some time travel into this mess along with everything else? ]

What are you going to do about it?

[bothbarrels]

[ He rubs at York's face with his thumb. ]

I don't know. I feel like I at least ought to check whether the details line up and it wasn't just a dream.

[ He pauses before admitting: ]

It's all kind of fresh for me, honestly. The feelings around the break-up part of things.

[infailtration]

What are they? The break-up feelings.

[bothbarrels]

[ He lets out a breath before responding. ]

The culture there, where she grew up, was centered around polyamory being normal. I told her that was okay but I really didn't feel like it was okay. So when she expressed interest in someone else...I couldn't deal with it.

[ A pause. ]

I just asked her why I couldn't be enough. And she didn't even understand the question.

[infailtration]

[ York frowns slightly, wondering now if North was completely honest with him. ]

...it isn't about someone being enough. But you really need to stop doing that, telling people things are okay when they're not.

[bothbarrels]

[ North frowns, looking his boyfriend in the face and stroking at his sideburn on that side. ]

What's it about, then?

[ Given that York seems not to be monogamous in the way he is, it would be best to understand better, if he can. To avoid future problems. ]

[infailtration]

It's about the feelings. About the happiness you feel in someone's presence, that doesn't diminish what you feel for someone else. Love isn't a limited commodity, only time.

[ He's frowning too, now, at how North ignored the more important point. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He doesn't understand, and it shows on his face. ]

Yeah, but...if I were enough, she wouldn't have felt that way about anyone else.

[ He had ignored the other bit somewhat deliberately. He knows he has this tendency; he's not currently feeling up to tackling it. Maybe later. ]

[infailtration]

North, no one person could or even should be everything for their partner. People need friends, family, community... it's not too different.

[bothbarrels]

[ He ponders this for a bit. ]

I feel like it is, though. Romantic love is more...more...

[ He doesn't know how to describe what he means. He pushes his fingertips into York's hair. ]

I mean, I'm glad she was checking in with me about it. I've been cheated on and it made me feel like shit.

[infailtration]

More what?

[ He leans into North's touch, eyes closing. ]

Cheating is different. Polyamory takes communication and understanding, so I'm glad she checked in too. Even if it's not for you.

[bothbarrels]

[ He pauses, then sighs. ]

Josh, I just...I feel like anything I'm going to say, you're going to refute it.

[ He scrabbles his fingers in York's hair. ]

For me, romantic love is exclusive. It's the kind of thing you get jealous about. And...it sounds like it's not like that for you. Or for her.

[infailtration]

I guess so. I'm just telling you how it is for me. It doesn't have to be a problem unless you're jealous of the feelings existing. They're not the kind of thing I can turn off -- like you probably still have feelings for Wrath, now that you remember. There was something there, it just didn't work out. Right?

[bothbarrels]

[ He lets out a little huff and doesn't respond, just runs his fingers through York's hair back to his sideburn. ]

[infailtration]

North?

[ Communication, North. It's important. ]

[bothbarrels]

All right, fine; yeah, there was. There is.

[ He feels awful admitting that, though, no matter how accepting York seems to be. He touches York's eyelid. ]

Does that not bother you?

[infailtration]

[ York doesn't dare shake his head because he doesn't want to get poked in the eye -- he shrugs a little instead. ]

Not in and of itself, no. Because it doesn't change what you feel for me. The only thing I'm worried about is what choice you'll make.