goneawaycomms | Agent South Dakota

I... get that, I do [ and she does, because it’d bother her if North told someone things like that about her, hell it always has bothered her when he shares even boring stuff like the barf bag story ] I just...

[ She sighs, too, fists clenched against the bed. No yelling, though. ]

I thought CT and I were fucking friends but she— and— and you shot me before you ever said a word of anything important. Did you think I was actually loyal to those fuckers? Did you think I was that much of a lost fucking cause even then?

Nat, you fired a missle pod at me. I didn't know what you were thinking at that point and I didn't want to get exploded before I had a chance to get you out of there.

You came in wielding two sniper rifles and you had your shield, when I couldn't even activate mine! I didn't know what you were gonna fucking do, either! All I knew was that you were suddenly siding with someone who, last I knew, was a traitor.

[ She picks up her pillow and buries her face in it to groan loudly. ]

[ North's quiet. It's a moment before he responds. ]

Why didn't we ever talk about this?

[ South sighs and lifts her head. ]

Because we're us, Drew. We don't talk. I yell at you and you just fuckin' sit there and pretend nothing's wrong.

[ She sits back with her arms around the pillow and thunks her head back against the wall. ]

Fuck.

That's not what I do. I calm you down.

[ Except for recently. ]

Usually.

[ South snorts. ]

When was the last time you actually 'calmed me down'?

[ Her head thunks against the wall again. ]

We haven't been right for a long time, Drew. We've barely talked since I got here. You checked on me and I was genuinely fucking surprised and thought it had to be because of Price's mind games, for fuck's sake.

[ She sounds... tired. Tired of all of this. Price spilling everything's just brought that to the forefront, almost past the anger. ]

Listen...

[ He shifts a little in place. ]

You're my sister. The people at Project Freelancer put us through the wringer and tried their best to make us hate each other. But I don't hate you. I am so sorry I had to leave you out of the loop. It wasn't my intention and I wish I could have done it another way, now.

[ He pauses with a frown. ]

I just...want to know things can get better.

[ South falls unusually silent. She doesn't look at him, her eyes on the ceiling as she considers her words, for once. ]

I... fuck.

[ Does she hate him? It feels like she hates him, sometimes. He drives her nuts. She wants to be free of him, of his shadow, of being just 'North's sister'. But he's still her brother, despite it all.

Things would be simpler if he hated her. He should hate her. ]

How are things gonna ever get better when you won't even face what happened? You can't pretend it never happened. I can't fucking deal with... with...

[ She covers her face with the pillow again and muffles a frustrated noise. ]

[ North gestures toward her with an open hand. ]

All right, so, let's talk about it, then. Let's talk about all the stuff that's standing between us.

[ Him actually agreeing almost makes her adrenaline spike, kicks her into fight or flight mode for just a second before she pushes it down. She peeps out. ]

And you're not gonna walk out or tell me to stop when I tell you what happened at the end?

[ He sighs. ]

You really expect me to do that?

[ She gives him a look. ]

When I arrived, you told me not to tell you because you wanted us to go back to 'how things were'. So yeah, kinda.

[ He looks past her, at the wall behind her. ]

You being here was still new. I don't...

[ He pauses and shakes his head. ]

When Wash told me everything he told me, it was academic. You know? You being here makes it more solid.

...yeah, no kidding. [ It took days for seeing his face to not feel like a physical punch in the gut. ] Look, I just didn't wanna get into this and then have you just cut me off, if you can say you won't...

[ She sighs, putting the pillow aside and sitting forward. Perches herself on the edge of the bed and kicks him in the shin to make him look at her. ]

Then we can fuckin' talk.

[ His eyes go to her face. ]

Yes. And I promise to listen.

[ This is going to be rough, but he knows it needs to happen. ]

[ South breathes in deeply. Fuck. Okay. This is actually happening. She never thought he’d actually...

She starts talking before she can change her mind. ]

I was Recovery Two, for almost the entire time we were on the run. Command wanted me to track you down and turn you in. Said they’d give me an AI. All that bullshit. [ She rolls her eyes. ] I let them think what they wanted to think. Got info. Kept following you. Played both sides.

[ Puts even more damning context behind her attempts to get him to just give Theta up, and yet she also never actually turned him in. ]

So yeah. I knew the Meta was becoming a Freelancer-killing problem long before that thing was even a blip on our radar. And then...

[ She falters a little. It’s not like her. For a moment, she looks... ashamed, but the expression is masked quickly by a furrowed brow and familiar frustration. ]

[ He's watching her, watching her facial expressions, carefully, and when she stops he nods slightly. ]

Then?

...I knew it would catch up with us eventually. But I didn't know when. Whenever it got someone else Command told me, but the attacks were all over the map. Last I heard before it found us, it was miles away.

[ She swallows. ]

I always thought that, when it came, maybe if we— I let it get what it wanted, then...

[ He wants to speak, wants to say, 'Premeditated, huh?', but he's no longer calm and his throat is closed. His adam's apple bobs up and down a couple of times and he trains his eyes on her hands.

The sound that comes out, eventually, is a questioning sort of grunt, encouraging her to continue. ]

Still caught me by surprise when it actually found us. Thought maybe we'd have longer, that Washington would've got some actual useful information on how to beat the damn thing by then that Command woulda passed on, but...

Nothing. There was fucking nothing.

[ Her fists ball in the sheets beside her. ]

I figured maybe you could hold you own long enough to stay alive and then I'd... come in after it had what it wanted and we could make it out together. So I ignored you calling for me. Waited.

But by the time I reached your position, the only way to stop it woulda been to throw myself at it and...

[ Her knuckles are white. She swallows again.

His life, or hers. ]

Edited 2021-01-14 16:39 (UTC)

[ He wants to get up and leave, pace the halls and talk to Theta and work this out in his head alone, but he promised her he wasn't going to do that. So he sits there, head partly bowed, hands gripping the edge of the mattress, in silence. She'll know the signs that he's fighting off tears; she's his sister, after all.

He feels betrayed. There's no other way to express it. He feels betrayed and deceived and let down. He wants to reconcile this eventually but right now he just wants some space. ]

[ South's throat tightens and she has to look away from him. Seeing him close to losing his composure is never easy, always strange. She wishes he'd just get angry, shout and scream at her, because that's simple. She knows how to deal with rage. She doesn't know how to deal with this.

For the first time in a long, long time, a part of her wants to hug him—but what good would that do? He'd push her away and he'd be right to. ]

So I... I just... [ She just watched. Stood there and watched the Meta finish North off, unable and unwilling to do a thing. The image is still burned into her mind. ] Then it... came for me. Knocked me out. Woke up after it had left and...

[ She trails off. There's no use in explaining the rest. ]

There. Now you know.

[ He nods tightly, glancing at her face ever-so-briefly before looking down again. Eventually, when he feels he can speak a bit, he replies: ]

Thank you for being honest with me.

[ By the time the sentence finishes he's speaking thickly and he swallows. ]

...I owe you that much.

[ Something she'd never admit outside this room. Even here, it comes out quiet, guarded, but despite everything, South's only human and he's her brother. Seeing him like this... ]

For what it's worth [ and it's not worth much ] you were never meant to... to die. It wasn't like Washington. I didn't...

[ She sighs. It isn't worth a thing. ]

Nevermind. You, uh. You can go. Or... I'll go. Whichever.

Agent South Dakota

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