Agent North

[bothbarrels]

● Agent North Dakota | Andrew Engelsen
Theta likes dealing with the messages so just leave something appropriate for him to respond to.
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[infailtration]

I know. It's also possibly the truth.

[ He grins up at North. ]

Like you've never been a troublemaker? Never?

[bothbarrels]

[ North manages a smile. ]

Now I never said that.

[infailtration]

[ York rests the book on his chest curiously. ]

Is it my turn to hear a story?

[bothbarrels]

[ He snickers. ]

I don't recall saying that.

[ He knows that if York wants to know, though, he'll drag it out of him. ]

[infailtration]

Aw, c'mon. Tell me more about you before we met, I've only gotten crumbs.

[ He pokes North's side playfully, the threat of tickling possibly imminent. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ North glances down at York with an amused smirk. They weren't supposed to share much about themselves back during Freelancer, and so North had only shared the occasional thing, and nothing about his teenage rebellious years. ]

All right, sure.

[ He shifts a little, drawing one leg up and the other down a bit. ]

Well, I had an emo phase in high school. Died my hair jet black, if you can believe it. Had a lip ring. All that.

[infailtration]

[ York presses his lips together like he's trying not to laugh, because that's exactly what he's doing. ]

I believe it, but picturing it is something else. You're too fair for black hair.

[ And he squints, looking for where the lip ring was. When he thinks he's found it he reaches up to poke the spot. ]

There?

[bothbarrels]

Yup.

[ He runs his fingers through York's hair once again, with an affectionate scritch to punctuate his words. ]

I got a fake ID when I was 16. I was tall, you know. We used to drink...

[ Here he shrugs a little. ]

...a lot. Me and South, I mean.

[infailtration]

[ York hums, both with amusement and pleasure at the scritch. ]

There's a little trouble, I guess. But what teenager doesn't drink, if they can? It's practically a rite of passage to get your fake ID.

[ ...maybe he was also a bit of a troublemaker. Not a huge one, but. A bit. ]

[bothbarrels]

Mm, yeah. I think I kind of fell into a pattern with it, lifelong, though. Being angry and fucked up when I drink. That's how...

[ He frowns slightly, though he doesn't stop affectionately rubbing York's head. ]

Well. My dad. He was kind of an asshole.

[infailtration]

[ That's how... what? York's brow furrows slightly too, as he watches North's expression. ]

You never mentioned that before.

[bothbarrels]

Don't like talking about it, I suppose. He only drank on his days off but boy, did he drink then. I kind of turned into his dad then. When he needed to get to bed or...to the bathroom. That kind of thing.

[ He no longer sounds amused. If York were to look at him now, he'd see that North is looking off into the middle distance. He's silent for a good long moment. ]

He worked thirds. Mom worked seconds, waiting tables. God, did she hate it that he spent so much on alcohol. She busted her ass and he...he...

Well.

[ He sniffs. ]

I know it's a big joke, that 'I learned it by watching you' thing, but...

[infailtration]

[ York didn't expect things to take this turn, honestly. He's quiet for a moment, then sits up to look his friend in the eye. ]

Hey. I'm sorry things were like that. But you don't have to be.

[bothbarrels]

[ He shakes his head. ]

It's like...it's like...

[ He has stopped fiddling with York's hair. ]

You know when you get in a rut? I mean like, physically. When the wheels are in a rut. It's really hard to get out.

[infailtration]

[ Yes, he knows what a rut is. But not what North is getting at, not exactly. ]

How does that relate to this? Specifically, I mean, it seems like you have something in particular on your mind.

[bothbarrels]

The drinking, I meant. How I act then.

[ He scoffs slightly. ]

It doesn't matter. I just tend to avoid it unless I feel like I need to get mad about stuff because that's what's going to happen.

[ He runs his hand over York's head, pats at the hair a bit. ]

I don't know how to stop it so I don't try anymore.

[infailtration]

[ York catches North's wrist, then grips his hand. ]

...this'll sound cliche as fuck, but admitting it's a problem for you too is a good thing. So is avoiding it. You aren't doomed to those behaviors.

[bothbarrels]

[ He shakes his head, actually tries to remove his hand from York's grip for half a second. ]

I don't know how to stop it. So I just...

[ There's a long pause, then: ]

Anyway.

[ A forced chuckle. ]

That's not what you wanted to hear about, right?

[infailtration]

[ Yeah buddy, you're not going to be able to just pretend this conversation didn't happen, sorry. York will let him pull back but isn't letting it go yet. ]

North, this is important. You're allowed to have problems and deserve to find healthy ways to deal with them. 'So you just' what?

[bothbarrels]

[ He lets out a sound, which is either a high, breathless, hopeless chuckle, or a sound of exasperation—even he's not sure which. ]

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

[ Yet, the next thing that comes out of his mouth is: ]

Did you and your dad ever get into a fistfight?

[ Yes, he knows his adolescence was not normal, nor was the way he ended up coping with it, yet he has to ask. ]

[infailtration]

[ Is this denial or just...? York doesn't get it. His face scrunches briefly but he answers the question, hoping that things circle back around and they can deal with North's alcohol problem. All he can do if they don't talk about it is discourage the drinking and that doesn't feel like enough. ]

My parents died in the war when I was eleven and I wound up with just a foster mom. So, no.

[bothbarrels]

[ Goddamn it. He cradles York's head in his hand. ]

Sorry, I didn't mean to act like my problems were the only problems. There's a reason I don't talk about this stuff.

[infailtration]

[ York pulls back slightly, trying to get North to refocus. ]

Your problem is one we can actually do something about, it's what I'd rather focus on. Over something I came to terms with over a decade ago.

Why don't you want to talk about it? You told me.

[bothbarrels]

I can handle this stuff, that's why. It was supposed to be entertaining talk and I just let it get off of that.

[ He lowers his hand to York's shoulder. ]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you in an awkward spot, dealing with my bullshit.

[infailtration]

[ Except he just said he couldn't handle it. York just eyes him for a moment, then gives him the verbal equivalent of a good hard shake. ]

It's not an awkward spot, you're my friend and I want to help. But you're not going to get away with 'oh I can handle it' with me when you just admitted you don't know how to. That's just...

[ He searches for a word. ]

...not denial, obviously...

[ He's looking for "repression." ]