Maybe a week after we first showed up here? We ran into each other in the gym.
[It's almost as if Catra were a good conversation subject!
Brr. She shivers a little. It's getting a lot colder out here now, but going in would mean ending the conversation. And it's good to know Catra wants to talk.]
I kinda wish we were somewhere else, though. Friend stuff is hard to do. It's not like I can take you out for barbecue or check out a store, you know?
[ Her voice is low and serious. Adora had been her only friend--the only friend she had wanted. Adora had tried to get her to be closer with others, but the imposing figure of Shadow Weaver had shadowed every possible relationship. Even if she had wanted them. ]
[That tone just kills any levity in Tenten's voice and, instinctively, she ducks her head in abashment. Catra can't see it, but it's still there.]
This is a bad place for it. And I know that, with the feelings that've been aired between us, our friendship isn't exactly... normal. But I'll keep trying to maintain our relationship as long as you like.
Shadow Weaver, the woman who basically raised us... She didn't like me. Always told me I was dragging Adora down and holding her back. And because she didn't like me, no one else liked me.
[ A pause. Her tail twitches, unseen. She has to do this. ]
And I pushed everyone who wasn't Adora away. Because Adora was the only one who didn't care about what Shadow Weaver said. She kept being my friend anyway.
[Shadow Weaver was such a cool name, though! Too bad it sounds like she was a real bitch.]
I'm sorry.
[It's lame that this is all she can think of to say. Especially when admitting this, it's got to be rough on Catra. She had so much pride.]
This... might be stupid. Or personal. But if everyone didn't like you and you didn't like them, why didn't you go off with Adora and become a She-Ra or whatever too? Was it just out of loyalty for the Horde?
[ Catra snaps a reply before she can stop herself, then tries to correct, her voice strained. ]
I... I didn't think I could, anyway.
[ She fidgets, not sure how much mroe she can say without making herself feel too vulnerable for comfort. ]
Because when--when I saw her leave the Horde on the word of two strangers, when it took her seeing people who weren't me being hurt by the Horde... when I got hurt by it every day...
[ She trailed off. ]
It meant she didn't actually need me. Or want me. She was just like everyone else. She promised to always be there for me and then she left. Like it was nothing. Like it was easy.
And the worst part is that it was that easy but I couldn't let myself believe that. All I ever wanted was to be next to her, no matter what it was. I didn't care if she loved me back, I just wanted--I just wanted to be there. And she left. Told me to stay there and cover for her, she'd be back in no time and the next time I see her she's my enemy.
[There's a lot she could say here, but... It's all stuff Catra's probably heard already. From a better source. Adora herself.
It's just not her place. It'd probably be vastly overstepping her bounds.
She clears her throat, a little uncertainly, and licks her lips. Well...]
Hey, so, uh. It's getting a little chilly out here. But I don't really feel like going inside yet. Would you, um. Would you like to come sit with me for a bit?
[ The comm clicks off and then a few minutes later, Catra scrambles up into view, then plops herself down next to Tenten without saying anything. She sits there, knees drawn up to her chest. ]
[Hey, the sun's setting and, over the rainbow hills, it's actually kind of a pretty sight. Tenten shifts a little closer to Catra, then raises an arm.
Hesitates.
And drapes it over Catra's shoulders. She's not pulling her in close, it's just for comfort. Let her know she's not alone.]
You know you're valued. And I don't think Adora will willingly leave you again.
I'll have to, when this is all over. Because I can't leave my other friends to fight in the war alone. But I'd like to think, somehow, that we'd get to see each other again someday.
[ Catra does not bristle. She leans against Tenten, shifts her weight a little. Slowly, her head drops over to rest on Tenten's shoulder. She swallows--feels a tinge of something sad, unhappy. The feelings that these memories dredge up aren't fun ones. A moment later her own arm wraps around Tenten, as if it might help hold her there. ]
Tenten had thought, kinda hoped really, that she would be. Idly, she runs her fingers over Catra's bicep, feeling the softness of her fur. She's never actually touched Catra before. Not outside of bumped shoulders, playful nudges, or in the gym during spars or obstacle courses or something like that.
It's... nice. Catra herself smells nice, too. Kind of like the cats back home. She rests her cheek on the top of Catra's head and closes her eye, letting out a long, wistful sigh.
A flush instantly creeps up Tenten's face and she fights to maintain a proper ninja-like bearing. Squealing over how adorable this is will not fit the conversational tone.
But she wants to.]
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Don't apologize for it. Just enjoy it.
[Tenten closes her eyes. The fact that she's heard these words before doesn't take any of the sting out. But she's... She's a little less emotionally raw right now.
And Catra's admitted she loves her. Just... in a different way. And she can live with that. She gives Catra a squeeze with her arm, patting her shoulder reassuringly.]
I've had some time to think and. Well. I do owe you an apology. I handled that whole thing really badly.
[She leans away a little, but only so she can twist a little, despite the discomfort, and look Catra in the eye.]
I love you. But I'm not going to demand your love.
[She'd honestly thought about it for a bit. Thought of asking Adora to back off so she'd have a shot. It probably wouldn't've worked.]
If you can only give me so much of your heart, give me what I already have? I can be content. All I want is to be with you and for you to be happy. That Adora has more of your love? I won't lie, I'm jealous. I wish it were me. But I'm not going to hate her or fight her over it.
Not because you're not worth it, but because none of us wants that fight. [She grins a little, closing her eye and cocking her head.] Besides, there are worse people to be second best to.
[ Part of her wants to say 'If Adora wasn't here...' but then, she doesn't know if that's true. Maybe she could have made new relationships with enough time apart. She thinks of the Crimson Waste. How she had been happy, for about five seconds. ]
You've got that part right. I was always happy being second best to her, as long as she was there for me to be second best to.
[ She closes her eyes, feels the weight of Tenten against her. ]
You were under a lot of stress. And I know how it is to feel trapped, so. I accept the apology.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
[It's almost as if Catra were a good conversation subject!
Brr. She shivers a little. It's getting a lot colder out here now, but going in would mean ending the conversation. And it's good to know Catra wants to talk.]
I kinda wish we were somewhere else, though. Friend stuff is hard to do. It's not like I can take you out for barbecue or check out a store, you know?
no subject
[ SIGH. She's doing her best, okay? ]
no subject
no subject
[ Her voice is low and serious. Adora had been her only friend--the only friend she had wanted. Adora had tried to get her to be closer with others, but the imposing figure of Shadow Weaver had shadowed every possible relationship. Even if she had wanted them. ]
no subject
[That tone just kills any levity in Tenten's voice and, instinctively, she ducks her head in abashment. Catra can't see it, but it's still there.]
This is a bad place for it. And I know that, with the feelings that've been aired between us, our friendship isn't exactly... normal. But I'll keep trying to maintain our relationship as long as you like.
...The platonic side of our relationship, I mean.
no subject
[ Catra hesitates for a moment then presses on. ]
Shadow Weaver, the woman who basically raised us... She didn't like me. Always told me I was dragging Adora down and holding her back. And because she didn't like me, no one else liked me.
[ A pause. Her tail twitches, unseen. She has to do this. ]
And I pushed everyone who wasn't Adora away. Because Adora was the only one who didn't care about what Shadow Weaver said. She kept being my friend anyway.
no subject
[Shadow Weaver was such a cool name, though! Too bad it sounds like she was a real bitch.]
I'm sorry.
[It's lame that this is all she can think of to say. Especially when admitting this, it's got to be rough on Catra. She had so much pride.]
This... might be stupid. Or personal. But if everyone didn't like you and you didn't like them, why didn't you go off with Adora and become a She-Ra or whatever too? Was it just out of loyalty for the Horde?
no subject
[ Catra snaps a reply before she can stop herself, then tries to correct, her voice strained. ]
I... I didn't think I could, anyway.
[ She fidgets, not sure how much mroe she can say without making herself feel too vulnerable for comfort. ]
Because when--when I saw her leave the Horde on the word of two strangers, when it took her seeing people who weren't me being hurt by the Horde... when I got hurt by it every day...
[ She trailed off. ]
It meant she didn't actually need me. Or want me. She was just like everyone else. She promised to always be there for me and then she left. Like it was nothing. Like it was easy.
And the worst part is that it was that easy but I couldn't let myself believe that. All I ever wanted was to be next to her, no matter what it was. I didn't care if she loved me back, I just wanted--I just wanted to be there. And she left. Told me to stay there and cover for her, she'd be back in no time and the next time I see her she's my enemy.
[ There's a pause here, longer. Uncertain. ]
I wanted to hurt her as badly as she had hurt me.
no subject
It's just not her place. It'd probably be vastly overstepping her bounds.
She clears her throat, a little uncertainly, and licks her lips. Well...]
Hey, so, uh. It's getting a little chilly out here. But I don't really feel like going inside yet. Would you, um. Would you like to come sit with me for a bit?
no subject
Yeah. Sure.
[ The comm clicks off and then a few minutes later, Catra scrambles up into view, then plops herself down next to Tenten without saying anything. She sits there, knees drawn up to her chest. ]
no subject
Hesitates.
And drapes it over Catra's shoulders. She's not pulling her in close, it's just for comfort. Let her know she's not alone.]
You know you're valued. And I don't think Adora will willingly leave you again.
I'll have to, when this is all over. Because I can't leave my other friends to fight in the war alone. But I'd like to think, somehow, that we'd get to see each other again someday.
no subject
It'd be nice.
[ She seems smaller, more subdued. ]
I'm glad I met you, Tenten.
no subject
Tenten had thought, kinda hoped really, that she would be. Idly, she runs her fingers over Catra's bicep, feeling the softness of her fur. She's never actually touched Catra before. Not outside of bumped shoulders, playful nudges, or in the gym during spars or obstacle courses or something like that.
It's... nice. Catra herself smells nice, too. Kind of like the cats back home. She rests her cheek on the top of Catra's head and closes her eye, letting out a long, wistful sigh.
Now if only her heart would stop pounding.]
Same here. I wish we'd met earlier.
Thank you for putting your trust in me.
no subject
I.. Have to start somewhere.
[ There's a small laugh. ]
...I'm sorry.
no subject
Catra's purring.
A flush instantly creeps up Tenten's face and she fights to maintain a proper ninja-like bearing. Squealing over how adorable this is will not fit the conversational tone.
But she wants to.]
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Don't apologize for it. Just enjoy it.
no subject
[ Catra keeps her voice quiet, considerate. ]
When you say you love me, I don't--it's...
[ She falters, groping for what she's trying to say. ]
I've only ever been in love with Adora. She's like, the only way I know what love really is. But I think I love you too. Just...
[ She hesitates. Wht if this runs Tenten off again? Drives more of a rift between them? For once, it's not what she wants. ]
I don't know if it's in the way you want me to love you. And I don't know if I--
[ She sighs. Tries to focus on her words. ]
I'm still getting used to Adora loving me, I guess.
no subject
And Catra's admitted she loves her. Just... in a different way. And she can live with that. She gives Catra a squeeze with her arm, patting her shoulder reassuringly.]
I've had some time to think and. Well. I do owe you an apology. I handled that whole thing really badly.
[She leans away a little, but only so she can twist a little, despite the discomfort, and look Catra in the eye.]
I love you. But I'm not going to demand your love.
[She'd honestly thought about it for a bit. Thought of asking Adora to back off so she'd have a shot. It probably wouldn't've worked.]
If you can only give me so much of your heart, give me what I already have? I can be content. All I want is to be with you and for you to be happy. That Adora has more of your love? I won't lie, I'm jealous. I wish it were me. But I'm not going to hate her or fight her over it.
Not because you're not worth it, but because none of us wants that fight. [She grins a little, closing her eye and cocking her head.] Besides, there are worse people to be second best to.
no subject
You've got that part right. I was always happy being second best to her, as long as she was there for me to be second best to.
[ She closes her eyes, feels the weight of Tenten against her. ]
You were under a lot of stress. And I know how it is to feel trapped, so. I accept the apology.
no subject
[She laughs, then leans her head back on Catra's. A part of her really, really wants to scratch those ears. But now's not the time.
Without Catra, she could be content. Even happy. But she knows she'd be happier with the older girl.
Hey, she tells herself. At least you won't live long enough to worry about it when you go back home.
She laughs again, trailing off into a silence, and decides to just enjoy the moment here while it lasts.]