goneawaycomms

She snorts and hopes it comes across as mostly amused. She finishes the set, but doesn't take her hands off the bar when she rests it back down on the rack and doesn't sit up.

"He already spends more time in your room than ours, York." Not so much that reducing it to a single guaranteed night isn't a noticeable change, but the balance has been tipping in his favour for a while. "It's not like he told me 'hey sis I'm gonna move in with York', I just told him it's fine if he wants to. I don't need him sleeping over every night, I'm not a kid."

But she hates the silence. She hates waking up in the middle of the night and forgetting, for just a second, that she's not alone on the run anymore, because she can't hear his breathing. It's even worse on the rare nights she wakes because of bad dreams.

Before North died, there had barely been a time in her life where she wasn't sharing her room with someone; the twins shared a room as kids and in the military, either he was there, or another squadmate was. She's never really been alone.

But she won't ask more of North, won't ask him to coddle her, because she doesn't want to be coddled. She should just get used to it.

Edited (sorry a typo and some wording was bothering me) 2021-03-14 17:50 (UTC)

Something tells York that South is protesting too much. That she's saying these things because she wants them to be true, rather than actually being okay on her own, or preferring it. And he doesn't want to take her brother away.

"I didn't say you were a kid. Everybody needs company." He thinks for a moment. "Since we're not at each other's throats anymore, I could crash there sometimes. Call it a sleepover if anybody asks."

A little part of South, a part of her that she’ll one day be able to call part of her old self, recoils at what feels to it like pity, wants to suddenly prove York wrong about them not being at the other’s throat.

Her jaw even tenses, clenches— but she doesn’t lash out, like that part of her wants to do, that instinctive response to vulnerability and emotions she doesn’t want to handle. She doesn’t want to snap, today. So she breathes in, breathes out, and tries to disguise the whole journey in another set before responding.

“Yeah, right, sure, third wheel me in my own room,” she says with a slight roll of her eyes, trying to sound joking. The twins room being only a two, the guys would have to snuggle up and something in her chest pangs at the idea of having such an up close reminder of how alone she still is in other ways, too.

Ugh, emotions beyond anger are so messy.

He can practically see South's internal struggle not to snap at him. But she doesn't. She makes a weak joke about third wheels instead, and York chuckles softly at it. Knowing that she's trying. Which means everything, really. It's honestly all he wanted.

"Alright, maybe not. But hey, if you ever want a wingman, I'm excellent. D, tell her."

“‘Excellent’ is a subjective descriptor that you may find inaccurate, but yes, York is an ‘excellent’ wingman.”

South raises a brow and snorts with genuine amusement. She does forget, often, how Delta’s learned humanity from York; or maybe she never really noticed in the past at all. “...I can’t tell if that one was directed at me, or you.”

She shakes her head, rolls her shoulders.

“Whatever. However good or terrible you are at being a wingman, it’s not like I’m gonna need one. Look around, York, you and Drew are kinda a special case. I just don’t need to see my brother being all lovey dovey up close, thanks.”

(The thought of CT rises, unasked for, in her mind and she shoves that deep, deep down.)

"Oh, that was directed at me," York clarifies, because he can tell when Delta's sassing him. "I could hear the airquotes, you little brat."

Which is a bit of a feat, given how monotonous D's voice sounds to most people. But he nods at South's latter statement. They are kind of breaking a whole bunch of rules and although he doesn't have any siblings, can relate to not wanting someone being 'lovey dovey' in the vicinity. Even if they're not that different now from how they usually are and South tolerated that fine.

"I get it." He'll encourage North to spend more time with South than him, though. These things are all about balance and he doesn't want her mood worsening again.

“I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about, York.”

“Can’t believe you taught an AI to sass. Actually, no, its you, so yeah, maybe that checks.”

South isn’t sure if— well, no, that’s a lie, she is sure that before now, she hadn’t paid the way these two interact enough mind to really understand how close they are. Now that she is... goddammit.

“Like I said, I’ll do what I can so you guys can have all the alone time you fuckin’ want. Just try not to make my job covering your asses too hard.”

"Not on purpose, that's for sure. It's... osmotic, maybe."

Not that Delta has cells to equalize with York's, but he's speaking in metaphor, alright? It makes sense to him. Sometimes when you bond with someone, you pick up their traits. Delta's sense of humor is still his own, though.

"...thanks, South. We could use something good here." He thinks for a moment. "I wonder what Jorgmund would do if they found out..."

South understands what he means, she thinks. She almost wishes she didn’t, though. She’s spent years denying the AI were essentially actual people in their own right, people who can learn and change. Goddammit, she really is going to end up handing him over one day, isn’t she?

Soon it’ll be North, York and their two AI, even she can’t deny that at this point. She’ll have given up everything she was clinging so hard to, from the emotions she was trying to hide to Delta himself. She’s still not sure what that leaves of her.

“Zap one or both of you, at least.” Her face twists, she really fucking hates these shock collars. “Not sure what else. Don’t know if we wanna know.”

"I'd rather not find out," he admits, oblivious to South's internal struggle at the moment as he considers their options for punishment. They have plenty of options at their disposal, he'd imagine.

"You won't," she says, and it's firm in the sense that she'll refuse to believe anything else. "Look, I did some shitty stuff, but one thing I learned from that is I'm real good at lying to authority. Long as you two don't go making out in front of Jorg officials, they won't know."

Almost two years lying to Command. Sure, she was lying to North too, but that's less impressive, because he trusted her. God. Fuck. Nope. Don't go down that thought track right now.

York blinks, in part because South just admitted she's done shitty things and part because she's offering to straight up lie for them and put herself at risk too. Then his expression mellows and he laughs softly.

"Then they won't know. But you're in serious danger of a hug right now."

South raises a brow at him and snorts a quiet laugh, that's probably half a deflection. "That's sounds like a threat, y'know that? And you don't have to look so fuckin' surprised, y'know."

Except he does, and she knows it. She's well aware of the image she's put forth of herself. She's well aware everyone either thinks she doesn't regret what she did at all, or that she'll never admit it, which is all but the same thing in practice.

"Maybe it is a threat. Maybe you should run while you still can." He's a little afraid that if he tried to hug her she'd punch him in the face, though. And his is roughed up enough already, he doesn't need his bad eye to be a black one as well.

South rolls her eyes dramatically, then almost squints to try and figure out if she actually should be 'running whilst she still can'. Is he actually going to try and hug her, and does she actually give enough of a fuck to get up and walk off if he is? Good question.

"You're so fucking weird," she says, and it's as weak as every other rude comment or joke she's made since they came down here.

"I'm really not," York protests lightly, grinning. "Maybe you shouldn't run, actually. When's the last time you hugged someone besides your brother?"

South blinks at him. "Wow, York. Wow."

From anyone but York and his stupid grinning face, that'd feel like a physical punch in the gut, a low blow. But the more time she's subjected to spending with him (yes, she went to him today, but that's not the point) the harder it is to convince herself he's still playing mind games, with her. Sure, he's an idiot, but since she broke her hand in front of him... that last conversation...

"So much for being better about putting your foot in your mouth," she says, but it's not as sharp as he might expect. "You just made a valiant fucking effort to do just that. I don't know, it was—"

CT, maybe? God. Did they ever hug? She's not sure if she even remembers.

"It's a long time. We're soldiers, York, you and Drew being cuddly fuckers is an exception to a rule."

He's really not playing mind games, and he doesn't think he put his foot in his mouth -- that's a Wash move, he just asked a legitimate question. So she gets an eyebrow quirk until she answers, and then he's motioning for her to get up.

"Okay, c'mon. Get over here."

"Are you fuckin' serious?"

She huffs, rolling her eyes again. Debates for a good ten seconds just throwing a towel over the guy's face to be an ass and leaving, because what the hell is happening here?

But, going 'what the fuck am I doing' at herself the whole time, she does actually get up.

"Completely."

He's pretty surprised when she does get up, standing there looking uncertain but not like she's going to punch him... but he means what he says, okay!! South is getting hugged.

It's a good hug. York is strong and warm but doesn't squeeze too hard, just enough to make her feel held. Give in, South.

From the second he hugs her, South clearly doesn't know what to do. Hugging North's one thing, he's North, he's her brother, she tends to end up hugging him in fits of emotion. This isn't that, and wow if that doesn't make it awkward feeling.

Still, it's not... bad. It's been years since she had much contact with anyone that isn't trading blows.

With another dramatic huff and an eye roll he can't even see, she awkwardly returns the hug. Very awkwardly. She knows how to hug but she doesn't know how to hug someone like York, so it's all stiff and weird on her end, even when she begins to seem almost relaxed.

It's not bad at all, even if she's a little awkward. York is still surprised that she acquiesced but... might be getting a bit of insight into South through these little workout sessions.

He feels her relax a bit and smiles where she can't see, almost victorious.

He'll make a social creature out of you yet, South.

York

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sorry for delay! got muh laptop back \o/

no worries, yay laptop!

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