goneawaycomms | Agent North

[ North looks at York again and frowns. ]

I was trying to keep this from happening. My sister doesn't need the burden of my anger. Wash, either.

[ He sighs. ]

I was doing okay until that last mission forced them together. But I... I don't know what to do now. Wash is my friend, but by his own admission, he killed my sister.

And South...

[ He pauses. ]

How do you reconcile something like this?

And you did, for awhile, but all that bottling and lying does is guarantee that things will be worse later. You weren't doing okay, you were suffering and nobody knew, and now they're suffering too.

[ How to reconcile it is a personal question that York isn't sure how to answer for him -- that he probably can't answer for someone else, and shouldn't. But he can say what he'd do. ]

No one else can tell you if you should forgive them or not. I'd say to look at the circumstances, and who they are now, and who they're trying to be... and who you want to be to them. If it's worth moving forward with them with honesty or not.

I haven't forgiven South for what she did to you. But I can see how it happened, and I've seen her grief, and that she's trying to be someone better. To figure out who she is. So we're moving forward. That was my choice, and something I was only able to do after telling her how much I hated the version of her who let you die.

[ He takes this in quietly. ]

I didn't think of it as lying, just... sparing them. But I, I guess...

[ He shakes his head. ]

Oh, man.

[ He's thinking now of what happened with Wrath, in his memories. He'd fucked that up in the same way as this. ]

I know I really put out the image of someone who forgives easily, but that's been a deliberate choice. If I left it up to my feelings...

[ It was definitely lying, just also to himself. York doesn't feel the need to reiterate that, though, since it seems like North's finally getting it. ]

Maybe that's because you're not processing those feelings. Bottling them up leads to resentment.

[ North considers that for a moment. ]

You know? You may be on to something there.

[ He pauses, then scrubs his hand over his head and sighs. ]

I don't know what to do next.

[ Of course he is. But York is just glad that North has actually admitted it. He breathes out almost in relief that they don't have to argue about this further. ]

One thing at a time, one step at a time. To process you need to be able to understand... tell me what you're feeling about Wash.

[ He suspects that situation is a little less emotionally complicated. Not by much, but still. It's the simpler one to start with. ]

[ He shakes his head, pauses, then speaks. ]

It's more complicated now that he's been sniping at South constantly. Before, I hated knowing what he'd done, but at least I had the sense it had been necessary. But the verbal sparring was just...it made it feel excessive. Like he'd done it more out of vindictiveness than I'd been led to believe.

I think it was necessary. From what I've heard from them both, and Delta. The verbal sparring seems like how they're coping with one another being here, North. It'll get better with time.

[ He casts his eyes to the floor for a moment, then looks at York again. ]

Mmh. All right. I was just...

[ He trails off. ]

I just want everyone to be okay. To be friends.

I get that, but friendships are going to be tested and the only way to get past the hard times is to work through the issues there. You can't just avoid it or the resentment builds and explodes and could genuinely ruin the relationship. Maybe you should go talk to Wash... talk, explain what you've been feeling and apologize for blowing up.

[ He sighs heavily. ]

I need to...sit with it a little while longer, I think. But I should.

Okay. Just don't let it sit too long or you might start stewing again over something that could be resolved by a conversation.

Yeah...

[ He's obviously still musing on it. He's frowning, and he rubs at his face after a few moments of thinking. ]

[ York almost asks if he should leave North be for awhile, but he actually seems open to talking about the problem now, so York pushes on. ]

And what about your sister? What are you feeling?

[ He shakes his head, pauses, and replies: ]

You don't have to do this, you know. Besides...it's complicated, and I don't know what to say about it.

[ It's true that your partner shouldn't be your therapist but York doesn't see any other option right now. And North obviously needs help. ]

I think I do. And hey, if there's anybody you should be able to talk to, right?

[ North stays stony-faced for a moment. ]

Yes. Right.

[ He sighs. ]

Okay, well. I'm really upset with her, but I can't help still loving her. She's my sister.

Agent North

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