goneawaycomms | AGENT WASHINGTON

I know you're trying to make me feel better, by telling me what she did was wrong.

[Wash winces.]

But I failed at helping you, too. I was trying to take down Freelancer by setting off an EMP. The Meta was trying to stop me - and he'd taken you away from North. He shot me and there was no way to get him away from the base when I was that injured. The most the Alpha could do was rejoin you all and keep him occupied long enough for me to set it off.

I'm sorry.

[Unlike South, destroying Theta along with the others is something he's sorry for, even if he'd been left with little choice. He wasn't even sure he'd survive long enough for another try, and he'd needed the element of surprise to get close enough to destroy the project's assets.]

Maybe it can be avoided, just like maybe there's a way to save North now that some kind of time travel or something happened to us. If there is a way, I want to find it.

[He hoped there was a way to prevent both of them from being killed and he wanted to emphasize that it was something he'd try to explore.]

[He turns to North now, unable to face Theta.]

But it doesn't change that I killed everyone you were trying to protect. I may have had good reason but that I became someone who could is reason enough for both of you to not want to talk to me.

[Killing enemies was one thing but in the past he hadn't been that stone cold ruthless, hence why South had mockingly said he didn't have it in him to kill her.]

Edited 2020-09-29 19:02 (UTC)

Oh.

[ Theta seems to shrink within himself as he replies. He turns then, and looks at North.

Now, North has been very quiet through Theta's talking to Wash. He knows Theta didn't like South much, as much as North worked to try to get them to get along.

Wash's new admission gets almost more of a reaction than the former one. North frowns deeply and set his hands on his cheeks through the rest of it, until Wash'a apology. He sets his hands back on the table. ]

Wash...if there's no time travel option, do you think you can live with it? With having done what you've done? Because...I, I understand your reasons—I think—and the fact that things got bad and you had to deal with things being what they were. But I'm starting to feel like you can't live without us being angry about it. So angry about it that we would reject you.

[ Because he is angry about it, and he gets the sense Theta is, too. Just not enough to outright reject Wash as a friend or an ally. ]

Look...

[ He looks down momentarily at his food, fishing for words. He doesn't have the problem with this that York used to have, but sometimes you have to be more delicate than you would be otherwise. ]

I'm not...going to push you away. Unless you keep pushing us away.

[Of all possible reactions he could have gotten, empathy and understanding weren't even on his radar.]

[The world had been aggressively unforgiving these last few years. Even when he'd taken down Freelancer, something that should've been seen as objectively good, he'd been brought up on bogus charges for destroying government property. Because they'd needed to nail someone to the wall and the Director was in hiding.]

[So he'd been staring down the barrel of a sentence that was going to eat up most - or more likely all - the rest of his life.]

I can live with it.

[He feels it was justified or at least that his options were limited.]

[But what he says next - and how he says it - is enough to communicate where he's at mentally. His next words are flat and hollow, and his gaze is blank and empty to match.]

But between getting blamed by the Freelancers that stayed on after you all left for AI implantation getting stopped, shot in the back by various people, and scapegoated for the project because of military politics, it just hasn't been my experience that anyone would be forgiving about anything.

[About anything.]

[And there it is. It isn't so much that he's trying to be hated so much as he thinks it's inevitable and is heading it off at the pass. Might as well get it over with instead of rebuilding a friendship only to have it ruined by these little revelations, as it's doomed to be.]

Edited 2020-09-29 19:26 (UTC)

So...

[ North pauses, purses his lips together. Considers how he's going to put this.

When he speaks, it's slower, more contemplative. More to-the-point. ]

Listen, Wash. I'm upset. Theta's upset. I think that's only natural after everything you've told us.

And we don't hate you.

If you think you can handle that, we're not going anywhere.

It's just that if you're moving away from us, we're not stopping you.

[ He pauses again, taps his fingertips against the table. ]

Ball's in your court, friend.

[He knows he should push North away. He knows that an old friend will be the one most likely to figure out something is wrong when it comes to Wash's relationship with Jorgmund. He knows that the last thing North deserves is another inevitable betrayal.]

[He knows all of those things and were he the same man he was at the cut off of his memories, he might have pushed North away.]

[But he's not the same man.]

[Wash's right hand twitches as if it has a mind of its own and he has a strange urge to slap himself with it. He doesn't, but the impulse is there. Then, for the briefest moment he sees himself - in his armor - standing behind North. The vision does a little head nod at North, as if to say "don't push him away." He gets a quick impression of people in a rainbow assortment of armor behind his other self, but then he blinks and the vision is gone, just like that, disappearing as quickly as it'd come.]

[He doesn't know what it means but he wonders if it has to do with what he can't remember, if it's related to the names that seem to always be on the tip of his tongue, or to the voices he imagines chastising him at times or pleading with him.]

[He is not used to people reaching out to him when he's in survival mode. But like he did once before in a time he can't remember, when he was handily forgiven and offered a place on a team he'd menaced, all in the space of a heartbeat - he accepts it.]

[He grabs onto the life preserver that's been thrown to him.]

Like I said on the transport...

[He searches for the words.]

It'd be nice having someone cover my six again. And I planned on doing the same back, even if you decided to stop talking to me.

[As much as he could with Jorgmund keeping him on a short leash, at any rate. Even so, he wants to use his position to protect North as much as he's capable.]

I just...got used to working alone.

[To being alone.]

Edited 2020-09-29 20:33 (UTC)

[ North nods; not quite smiling, but his expression is softer than it had been. He reaches across the table and claps Wash on the shoulder. ]

There you go, Wash. That's the right way to think about it.

[ He finally picks his sandwich up to take an actual bite of it. ]

I'm still processing it, but I knew I didn't want to push you away. It's rough, you know, having someone trying to make that choice for you.

I can imagine.

[It must have been hard watching South drift away. Even if North maybe hadn't expected the betrayal, it sounds like she'd gotten more estranged as time went on, if she'd been arguing over Theta.]

[Wash actually takes a bite of his sandwich, too, finally.]

[Looking thoughtful.]

Listen, I...don't want to push you away, either. But I also... I understand if you ever need space. Just...let me know.

[Full acceptance, instantly, doesn't seem fair to expect. And he wants North to understand he should take any breathing room he needs.]

I took most of what I needed already, since the last time we talked. I mean...I might need some more. But I'm doing better than I was at first. At first, it was like... I mean, you'd already implied my sister was dead. It's just that it's different...hearing all the details.

[ He tilts his head, contemplating it. ]

I will say... I'm glad you were honest with me. So don't think giving up all the details was a mistake. It'll take some time for it to all sink in and heal up, though.

[ He pauses, shaking his head to himself. ]

I can still barely believe that's really you, in some ways.

[He's not hurt by the observation.]

Saying it's been a rough few years is a bit of an understatement. I had to adapt. I had to be certain things to survive.

[His voice finally, finally thaws a little, loses some of the clipped coldness and brittle tension.]

But hopefully not everything has changed.

[As if proving his point, he suddenly crams half the entire sandwich in his mouth - classic Wash, for just a second.]

[ North shakes his head, smiling. ]

At least you weren't wearing a helmet when you did that. Try not to choke on that.

[ And now on to other business... ]

Where do you bunk here?

[He swallows and almost chokes, naturally. And then the corners of his mouth quirk ever so slightly at North mentioning when he used to eat through his helmet.]

[It feels...nice for someone to remember how he used to be. Like it makes it so not all of it - of who he once was - is entirely gone.]

Middle of the living area. They assigned me a... he's a weird one. My roommate.

And even worse - my bunk smells like pepperoni. Because the guy who used to sleep there? Decided that was what he wanted a secret stash of under the mattress.

[He presses his lips together.]

It's soaked into the bottom of the mattress. The pepperoni juices.

[Thanks a lot, pepperoni man.]

I guess it's to be expected; apparently, the nickname of the guy who used to bunk there was "Sticky Ben."

[Even with how serious he is now, just saying the nickname almost, almost makes him laugh.]

Edited 2020-09-30 17:21 (UTC)

[ North makes a face; he'd always had a reputation at the Project, one that was well-deserved, of being pretty fastidious. ]

That sounds...interesting.

[ He looks down at his sandwich. That story had just put him off his food. Great. ]

Actually, that sounds revolting.

AGENT WASHINGTON

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