goneawaycomms | AGENT WASHINGTON

[He nods little abrupt nods, biting his lip and goes over with him. This...this hasn't been a thing with him. Ever. Even after it all.]

[This is new.]

[He can't remember how the near-present had wired his brain, between brain damage and...other damage. Can't remember the moment he'd stood there, frozen in place, watching Jax's stupid production of the movie about the Reds and Blues, as someone in identical prop armor went down over and over, fake neck shot after fake neck shot, fake blood spurting.]

[And he can't remember what came after. Very recently. Upon arriving to this place.]

[He sits, tries to match his breathing, squeezes York's hands in time. Tensing and relaxing. He struggles with it. Hears Price's voice, asking those probing questions.]

["And how did that make you feel, Agent Washington?" Except, was that Price's voice? "Was this that moment you spoke of? When you said your friends made you better?" The voice keeps warping. Is it Price's? Or a woman's?]

["Fuck. You." "Not a good enough answer. We just want a timeline of events." "I told you already, I have brain damage. I have trouble staying oriented to time, keeping track of the order everything's - Zzt! God. God! Stop. Please."]

[His blood pressure spikes like it did with Tucker in Medbay. His nose starts lightly bleeding. The breathing gets faster, not slower, and for a moment he clearly spaces.]

["The questions can stop soon, I just need to know what you remember," Price - no she (face blurred, blonde hair?) says.]

[He comes back, holding too tightly to York's hands for him to have a chance of giving him the towel for his nose, but with his brain having spewed forth...whatever that was, it's like it's clear enough to finally do what York said to do.]

[He gasps out.]

She - she wouldn't stop asking questions. Like Price.

[He sounds dazed.]

Edited 2021-01-09 09:51 (UTC)

[ This doesn't seem like just PTSD. It's not like York is an expert, but Wash's nose starts bleeding and he starts to hyperventilate and space out at the same time, which is usually the opposite of what happens.

York is starting to freak a little bit himself when suddenly Wash is back -- not back to normal, but present and speaking even if what he says doesn't make much sense.

Or maybe it makes perfect sense. After all, there's a huge swath of time Wash doesn't remember.

He prods at it gently, letting Wash clutch his hands and keeping outwardly calm so if Wash comes back to himself a little more he can match that. Even himself back out, maybe figure out what's going on. They can address the blood dripping down his face afterwards. ]

Who, Wash? What did you remember? You're safe right now, you can tell me.

I don't know.

[He keeps breathing, keeps squeezing.]

[He shakes his head.]

I don't know.

[But eventually his breathing finally calms down. The agitation, it seems, is gone with it. Like Price's post...triggered something and then he could calm down after something was exorcised.]

[He looks troubled.]

I feel better, though.

[ York is right there with him in the 'troubled by this' boat, but at least Wash feels better.

Gently, he reclaims one of his hands and shifts to sit on the bench next to Wash, settling it on his friend's back instead. A warm, solid presence. ]

...we'll figure it out, okay? Wipe your face, your nose was bleeding.

[ He wishes there was a doctor around that they could trust, but there isn't. Shit. ]

[He wipes at his nose with the towel.]

I'm still pissed but...

[But it doesn't feel like it did a few minutes ago.]

Normal pissed.

Yeah, that wasn't pissed, that was something else. And not exactly what I thought it was.

[ He has no idea what it means yet, though. ]

Has anything like that happened before?

[He should be keeping this under wraps. If he's trying to hide what's going on with Jorgmund. But he also...doesn't entirely know what's going on with Jorgmund.]

[He doesn't know entirely what they might have done with him. To him.]

Once. With Tucker in the Infirmary. When I was recovering from nearly getting killed by...well. The living embodiment of murder.

A nosebleed. Flashes of...something. But I didn't understand what it was.

Edited 2021-01-09 10:37 (UTC)

[ York gives a low thoughtful hum, not realizing he's started rubbing Wash's back as he puzzles over this. It's like he's trying to remember something, like he's fighting to do so, but why would that be?

Maybe it has something to do with Stuff? Or Wash's future injury? He needs to talk to North, his friend always helps him articulate what he's thinking -- it'd be nice if he could discuss it with Delta too but he's not going to bring up this kind of thing about Wash around South. ]

Do you remember those flashes now? Was it something related to this? Because it feels like it's a repressed memory thing. Those don't give you nosebleeds but you're kind of a special case right now.

It feels like my blood pressure spiked. Maybe that's causing the nose bleeds.

[Which makes sense. Also...the implant. Brain surgery probably messed up things a bit. He doesn't say that, though.]

[As for the episode in the Infirmary, he's not sure what to say, but he already told Tucker. Already asked for someone to be there during his physical therapy to get his knee back in working order after Rose Tattoo stabbed it.]

[All York has to do is talk to Tucker and it might come out.]

I just had...flashes of...

[He sighs, not wanting to get into the specifics, now that he's not in that moment.]

It just didn't feel safe.

Could be. It'd have to be one hell of a spike.

[ York is skeptical, but it's not like he knows a good doctor here. He's more curious about the flashes right now anyway. The thing without an easy explanation. ]

Do you not remember anymore?

It's more I don't know how to make sense of what I saw. It wasn't concrete, just impressions.

[Ones that didn't even jive with what he knew about the implant and their threat. They'd made it seem like he'd had it immediately been implanted on arrival.]

[The memory he saw in the Infirmary was of him being dragged somewhere against his will, terrified. Screaming something that he can't remember was "You can't take them away."]

[If he could remember the words, he'd understand better, maybe be able to guess why he was fighting the orderlies, trying to fight his way out of the gurney. He might fully grasp what was done to him, when the reality Jorgmund had presented was "The implant fixed your brain but unfortunately blocked memories as a byproduct."]

[Old Wash - current Wash - had known what they were about to take away.]

I was...confused somewhere. Maybe out of it because I'd just arrived and had everything...[He gestures at his temple with wiggly gesture with the hand not holding the bloody towel.]

I think that I was maybe just disoriented at first and scared because of it.

[That's a lie, but going deeper means confessing more.]

Edited 2021-01-14 01:54 (UTC)

[ York's face scrunches in confusion. This doesn't make any sense to him. ]

Arrival is rough, but I remember all of mine. I don't see why you wouldn't.

You didn't come in with brain damage.

The Stuff supposedly fixed it. That seems like it could've been...messy at first.

[A good rationalization that he hopes York buys.]

[He doesn't buy it himself that the implant blocked things off, he knows there must be more to it. But he has to explore that himself, try to navigate everything in a way that lets him keep the implant, if possible to do so without screwing everyone else over.]

[And he doesn't trust anyone else enough to let them in, not even old friends. Not new friends he feels unexplainable trust towards either, like Tucker.]

Yeah, I guess.

[ York seems reluctant to accept it, but does as he rakes a hand through his hair worriedly. He doesn't know what's going on with his friend and that freaks him out as much as witnessing the weird attack Wash just had. ]

Want me to grab you some water or something?

[Wash nods his head, still dabbing at his nose. The bleeding is mostly stopped but he doesn't want to get blood all over the place.]

Thanks.

[When York gets up to do it, he just looks ahead, thoughtful.]

[A little lost.]

[ York crosses the room to the water cooler by the door, getting Wash a cup of it while he sits and recovers. He doesn't miss that look as he offers the water. ]

What are you thinking about?

Thanks.

[He takes the water.]

It's nothing.

[He guzzles the water down and gets up.]

I'm going to go clean up. Thanks for...

Thanks.

[He doesn't want York to keep digging and prying and fussing because he'll be tempted to actually let him in.]

I feel a lot better.

[He's saying it so York won't worry but that doesn't make it untrue.]

Okay.

[ He's a little skeptical about the 'nothing' but at least Wash is feeling better. He looks and sounds better, excepting the blood on his face and knuckles. ]

I'm glad. Be sure to wrap your hands.

[ But as Wash turns away: ]

Wash, wait, if you... if this happens again you'll let me know, right? We can figure this out.

...Sure.

[He's lying.]

[But he's been doing a lot of that lately.]

[And he's not likely to stop anytime soon.]

[He leaves it at that, walking away, trying to feel less guilty over what he's hiding.]

AGENT WASHINGTON

cw: implied torture + ptsd

Re: cw: implied torture + ptsd

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